I have reached what feels like an impasse in my life. Where lack of desire & passion coupled with a loose, but determined understanding of what I don’t want in my life has brought me to a complete stand-still. The old me still lingers, ever so gently creeping into my heart with thoughts of worry, anxiety, judgement and guilt. The new me sits still: open, honest, mindful of the present, conflicted between two worlds of thought. A calmness comes over me. Greatness is at hand… I question how others see such wonder and potential in me (not in a negative way) when I seem to always fall short of seeing it for myself. My gifts & strengths don’t feel monetary in nature. Capitalization is not option, yet the world demands it…. requires it…. forces it upon us..! I see such a different world than most. My values are unique and I see strength in heart and creativity. Financial survival seems like such a waste of time and talent when the effort could be applied to so much more where both the individual and the community prosper from it on a deeper & higher level!
Being alone and loneliness are two entirely different aspects of life. Growing up as an only-child, I learned how to be comfortable being alone, to the point where it’s a necessary aspect of my life. I truly find comfort & peace when I’m alone and it has become a required characteristic. Loneliness is a whole another thing. A void…. an emptiness that leaves you craving it to be filled. Some simply fill it with anyone that easily comes into their lives, while others endue the discomfort holding out for something unique, someone special. I fall into the latter. When I was younger I opted for what came easily, but as matured I found it disappointing to take the easy road. My soul knows what it’s doing. My soul will know them when we cross paths and my soul will wait even if it folds into other lifetimes. While my path is unclear and blurred, my reason for existence clear….. I am here to help others live a better life. To help them become the greatness they hold within. To bring out the absolute best in all human beings and change this world into the paradise it’s meant to become!
I am in search of a job where I can make between $600-700 per week, minimum! I want to enjoy this job to the point where it’s a joy to go in for every shift. I am surrounded by positive, happy, productive people who want to be there too. I need my coworkers to care & respect one another and help each other succeed. I need the owner to be a successful, positive person who inspires, mentors and actually cares about their employees happiness (Happy employees = happy clients/customers) I need the managers to actually “manage” both people and situations that arise and to do it with respect and honesty. I need a job that challenges me but doesn’t stress me out. I need a job where I help make a difference to both my coworkers and our clientele, where I feel good about every day of work, where I go home inspired and energized instead of tired & drained. I need a Job that makes me a better person at the end of the day…. the month… the year! Does it exist ? How do I make it a reality ?
My heart calls out for love… It craves the warmth and peace shared by another It hopes for the sensation it has felt before Open and willing, it lays ready to receive Massive and strong, it is prepared to provide My heart calls out for love… It remembers the ones that were courageous enough to endure It aches for the pain it has caused It is grateful for the risk others have taken It will never forget the one who gave the most and lost the most My heart calls out for love…
My mind wanders… drifting between hope and fear. The dream inside can no longer be held prisoner A spark that will ignite the world afire with a mix of peace and passion craves to come to the surface! There is a better place down the road, but it’s not going to happen on it’s own The world we currently live in is unbalanced and unwell, it screams in agony but we refuse to hear it. The messages lie before us in the water we drink, the food we eat and the air we breathe. We are not the country we live in, the color of our skin, the language we speak, the religion we preach, the customs we practice nor the money we spend…… We are human, one and all and the only judgement that should befall us is how we treat one another !!
The Path With every step you take, the path before you changes. The ground beneath your feet, the air you breathe in, the sky above your head and the world that surrounds you. Your external world changes when you move and this can be a wondrous and inspiring experience. It can also be dangerous and destructive as you will be forced to interact with the outside world and all it’s uncertainty and chaos. This is a physical path in life. There is another path one can take.. This path requires no movement at all; no physical exertion except to stay still. This path is far more challenging than the physical one but it’s rewards are truly endless. The first and most difficult challenge along the internal path is to accomplish stillness; To be motionless and begin your journey within.
Moments of beauty pass us by every hour of every day. Make a promise to yourself above all else to take the time to stop your life and open your senses to all that surrounds you.
Life’s journey continues to provide me with so many twist, turns, obstacles and disappointments along the way. Please don’t think I am excluding the positives of this journey called life. There have been amazing discoveries, beautiful experiences and magnificent meetings of amazing people along the way too.
I just simply continue to be perplexed along this path I walk. So many personal accomplishments achieved so far… So much internal awaking has transpired… So many interesting and amazing people met along the way.
Yet, I’m still filled with confusion. My internal struggle continues and at times, it feels like it has grown in intensity, almost overwhelming all too often.
A few weeks ago I was at what honestly felt like a ultimate low for me. This is extremely hard for me to put into words but I must try… Complete immersion in negativity. Surrounded by darkness and filled with despair so that it was oozing from my pores. This despondency lasted an entire week and if by chance you may perceive that timeframe as short, I hope you may never experience this for yourself during your lifetime, trust me on this!!
I recently engaged in a wonderful gathering of what I felt were “like-minded” people and it was truly wonderful, yet also overwhelming. I felt a connection that has been missing my entire life up until now. I was energized and frighten all at the same time. I felt fulfilled and drained all at once. I’m still reeling with the after-effects and trying process it all.
I was told last night by someone very special to speak aloud and ask your questions; ask for direction; ask for purpose. I was told to ask this aloud for it’s humbling to do so and “He” will not hear you nor respond if you don’t ask aloud.
If your thoughts take you down a path of religion when you hear me say “He” then we are different yet the same. When you hear me speak of “Him” and automatically attach a persona, image or dogma, then we connected yet detached. I feel I will certainly elaborate on this further in another post, but for now those who read this will either “get it” or not. You know who you are!
To travel the world one stop at a time.
Have you ever dreamed or thought about doing this before? I have and I feel compelled at this stage in my life to seek it out and fulfill the dream.
If you have extensive or random experience in world travel, please feel free to share your experiences & especially your advise.
My plan consist of picking destinations to travel to. Once there I will find the cheapest place to stay, acquire a job and work until I have enough saved up for the next destination. Planning will be limited and open to a mass degree flexibility so I can adapt to anything that comes at me.
Italy looks like it might be my 1st stop abroad but nothing is set in stone. I’m currently reading Vagabonding by Rolf Potts and I must say it is an amazing read. Both before reading this book and durning, my mind has been a buzzed with ideas, worries, concerns and excitement!
I feel, in some weird way, that the personal events I have experienced and dealt with over past several years has oddly prepared me for this very quest. The impending foreclosure on my Townhouse down in Charleston, SC has forced me to simplify my life and depart with so many material things already.
Now, I just need to downsize my belongings a few more notches and I’ll be prepped to take off and see the world :)
I need help from any & all who read this. I need info & shared knowledge from people who have traveled extensively or “have done” or are currently doing this now.
Please suggest the best types of backpacks, travel bags, shoes, clothing, etc.. Best destinations for work/stay, safety issues or concerns.
One area that would be a HUGE help would be ideas & suggestions about money issues: making it, exchanging it, storing it. Can a travel blog be an options to make some coin while documenting my travel or is this now cliché and overdone?